In undergrad, you could make friends a couple ways. You could join some clubs. You could rush a sorority or fraternity. You could hang with your hallmates. For a few weeks there at the beginning, it was even acceptable to say "Are you a freshman?" in the hopes that they'd catch the subtext "Are you as lost and confused and friendless as I am?"
Grad school, at least for me, ended up being pretty easy. Picked a pretty tiny field at a university where somehow everybody knows everybody else, combined that with the fluke of 8 personalities that mostly all got along great, not to mention had similar interests, plus we kind of had ban together against the outside world that says we were all off our rockers for our career choice. So, basically, I got a built-in posse.
Real life is not so easy.
Where do you go to make friends, if not class, or extracurriculars? Where do you find them? Are they hiding somewhere secret? Obviously grown ups make friends, too, but there's kind of an aura of mystery surrounding the actual friend-making process. Or, alternatively, I'm just socially awkward and maladjusted. (Knowing my undergrad uni, this possibility is not entirely out of the question...). Why don't they just offer a class in these things? Then a perpetual student like myself might have a fighting chance... you know. Making Friends 101. That sort of thing. I'm sure it'd fill up before you could say "Damn you, Banner!" (Shout out to my not-so-beloved undergrad course scheduling system, which somehow always messes your life up a little.)
Nevertheless, I've set out to make a life for myself here in Glasgow. It's tough when I'm working full time. I'm getting to know the great people I work with...but they're work friends, so the rota really determines our "hang out" time.
Since that's not turning out to be quite enough, I took decided to check out a life drawing class in a coffee shop near my neighborhood. ("When in doubt, go to class" is apparently my motto.) This is a better idea than making work friends, I think, because I tend to be about 10x calmer with charcoal in my hand. Plus, it does not require me to do much talking, except a little quiet chatter in the breaks-- never a bad thing.
Things I did not intend to do: make friends with the model. Some people like to chat with the model when they're on a break, but I don't really like to establish any personal ties with the person whose naked body I've just been measuring and replicating on the page. This presented problems in undergrad, where I often knew the model personally, but I figured that was a non-issue in such a vast, new city. But halfway through my attempt to join in the chatter of my classmates, the model looks at me and says "You've got charcoal all over your face."
Well, you're not wearing any clothes, but I'm not callin' you out, lady....
Okay, I didn't actually say that. I did the normal person thing and thanked her. I then spent the remainder of the break trying to scrub the charcoal from my face with my sleeve instead of trying to make friends. She stayed naked, though, so I think maybe she'd have benefited from my observations ;)
So, Attempt 1 didn't go quite the way I'd envisioned it.
Attempt 2 was better, but only slightly. Greg and I have been on a quest to find this church we'd heard about. But for the last 6 months, getting there has been a bit like trying to get to Narnia without the wardrobe. Aka, impossible. We just got lost every time. But this Sunday, we finally made it! It was fabulous. We then decided to be grown ups (sensing a theme?), stick around for coffee, and try to meet some people. But people seemed mostly interested in chatting with each other, or leaving. And there was also no coffee. So we nibbled on a jelly doughnut, and peaced out. Guess we're baby-stepping: we found the place. Makin' friends is a thing for later, I think :)
For now, I'm just going to slink back to my comfort-zone on my day off today by scheming my return to grad school and celebrating Aya's & my distinction-level dissertation marks. Not to worry, I'll be back to keep you posted about how I'm navigating the complex playground of adult relationships some other day!
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